Trials and Turbulence

The hardest part of beginning the journey is letting go of everything you once knew. It’s currently 3:35 A.M. and it’s been weeks, almost a month, since I last spoke. I’m ready to talk, and trust me, there’s a lot to talk about.

Pretty recently I accepted the challenge of returning to a place I despise. The Midwest. I mean look, it’s not all bad, I have so many friends here, I have my old martial arts dojang, my old job, college; I have everything I need to set myself up for the future, but I’d rather be standing in the golden sun rays of Arizona.

Arizona is home to me; it’s perfect. From the palm trees and mountains to the cactuses and city life of Phoenix, there’s nothing I couldn’t love about home (It could be a little less hot, but still).

The Midwest on the other hand is my hell. I’ve already listed the good out of it (My martial arts mentor and my friends are all amazing), but there’s no getting around the turbulence. Not only are the mosquitos an annoying thing in itself, but the scenery just isn’t for me. It’s just tree after tree, cornfield after cornfield. There’s a cow over there and to it’s left is the over grown grass it eats, topped off with a white picket fence. It also doesn’t help that my first love happens to live in this town. I’d rather be any place but here.

Yes, there’s some trials to face here. Yes, I’d rather be back home, but there’s still much to do while I’m here. I will most likely be returning home in December after I’m done with my first semester of school here, but while I’m here I am also being given the opportunity to grow and develop. I’m hoping to be able to do more things on my own by the end of these few months. I’m hoping that I can manage my bipolar, depression and anxiety better and to clear my mind a bit. So far, things are a bit of a rollercoaster. Things seem to be hopeless at times, and then other times I’m so full of hope and vision. The new medicine I’m taking seems to be working pretty well, as I haven’t felt hopeless in a while, just a bit anxious, I’ve been returning to my usual, true self, slowly but surely.

If I return to Phoenix in December, that would give me enough time to get to my red belt or red stripe while I’m here, meaning I would reach my black belt next. I would be that much closer.

Most importantly, I’m being given the opportunity to visit New York City for fall break while I’m here. My number one goal in life right now is to live in NYC within my twenties, so the first step towards that is to visit it first. I will most likely be visiting solo, and I’ll have around 2-5 thousand dollars to use for the trip, meaning I can visit for a week or less. I can’t back out now, I’m committing fully to this trip, and no one will persuade me otherwise. I’m just to excited for it. And just think, if I hadn’t come back to the Midwest for this semester of school, I never would have visited NYC this soon. Looking at it as it is, things are going great, I just need to keep an open mind.

To sum it up, I don’t want to be here, and there are some obstacles (mostly mental) to overcome, but this is good for me. If you’ve been putting something off because you’re too afraid to do it or maybe you need to do it but just don’t want to, you should do it. As Shia LaBeouf once said, “JUST DO IT”. It will be worth it in the end.